Question: When is email spam not email spam?
Answer: When it has my name and company name in the copy.
Well, that’s what I’m guessing, since I had a piece of unsolicited email hit my Inbox this morning. Somehow it had managed to circumvent my spam blocking filter.
I wanted to share it with you, so here’s the text in its entirety. Certain parts have been censored to protect the not-so-innocent, but the spelling/grammar errors have been left untouched:
Hope you are doing fine.
I am writing to check if “Kexino“ has any Enterprise Architecture Initiatives where XXXX could help. We are helping many companies like yours with Enterprise Architecture approach in managing risks amp; innovation during turbulent times.
In our pursuit to bring advance Enterprise Architecture program to France, we are glad to announce the up coming one day conference in Paris XX Oct by XXXXX XXXXXX – Father of XXXXXX XXXXXXXX.
As you know, XXXXX XXXXXXXXX is world’s most proven model for aligning IT Investments amp; Business Goals. It has been applied for managing change amp; complexity in several Global 2000 organizations.
This conference is focused on how to create value for your organization by systematically recording assets,processes, connectivity, people, timing and motivation, through a simple framework.
Please find details about the program (attached below) amp; for more in-depth details: (URL HERE)
Do let me know if you would like to attend/nominate someone for the program.
Looking forward to hear from you.
After reading this literary masterpiece, my first reaction was to simply delete it. My second reaction was to reply to it, to ask to be removed from their distribution list.
But something in the email got me thinking. The tone, style and attitude of the email embodies everything that I hate about ill-conceived marketing. Yes, I was annoyed. But I was more annoyed that someone, somewhere had thought that crafting and mailing this out to all and sundry was a good idea.
In the end, I decided to reply:
KEXINO is a marketing services company. We don’t sell, consult or integrate IT infrastructure. Nor do any of our competitors. So you’re not actually “helping many companies” like mine, are you?
Spending 30 seconds on Google could have given you this information, saving you from sending an unsolicited mail to me.
However, you’ve caught me in a good mood, XXXXXX. So I’m going to give you a bit of free advice. Why? Because I am genuinely appalled by the average level of corporate marketing – one of the reasons why I founded KEXINO – and I really want to help. I don’t want to see you guys wasting any more of your time, effort and money.
Your pitch mail is riddled with doublespeak and hyperbole – and doesn’t actually say what the conference’s business value offering is. “…how to create value for your organization by systematically recording assets, processes, connectivity, people, timing and motivation, through a simple framework” means absolutely nothing to anyone – including those in the IT industry.
If you’re based in France – as your contact details suggest – then you’ll know all too well that describing someone as “a living legend”, which may be OK in the USA (though I very much doubt it), is never going to get butts on seats over here.
(there was a “living legend” reference in the bumf accompanying the text.)
Interruptive, badly-constructed and poorly-targeted communications such as this only serve to alienate prospective customers as well as innocent bystanders like me, a victim of collateral damage. I suggest that you guys fire whoever’s doing your marketing, because they’re no good at their job and they’re costing you money. But before you do that, please remove me from your distribution list ASAP.
Many thanks, and have a great rest-of-the day.
Why did I bother? To be honest, I really don’t know. It’s not like I wasn’t busy enough with other things. Did it do any good? Well, funnily enough, I haven’t received a reply.
My email probably got caught in their spam filter.